was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
