This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
