Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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