I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
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is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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