Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
