paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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