dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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