He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
