I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
