is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
