Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
