I wish my penis had an off switch
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
