Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
