I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need to sanitize my soul.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize