The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
