Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
