never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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