I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
