it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Randomize
