I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
