So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
