weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
