What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize