Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
