Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
