party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
