You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
