i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
