I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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