thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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