please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
