So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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