mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
