Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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