trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
