The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
