There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
