Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
