oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
True strength comes from lack of pants
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize