Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
