i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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