You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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