I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize