Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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