I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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