My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
