Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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