I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
