Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
