I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
