Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
only if we run a train.
done.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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