if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
