we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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