You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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