I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
