I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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