i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
