I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
