I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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