Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
