i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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