im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
