please come you make the beer taste better
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
