I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
