He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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