We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
