grandma shit on top of the toilet
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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