and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
well you can't waste a boner
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
