so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
