ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
