I just saw a hot homeless man
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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