Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
