My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
