; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
